Time to Wean From Breastfeeding?

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In three days from now, I’ll celebrate a milestone with my wee Willow.  We will have made it to 17 months breastfeeding.  As I write that, I’m filled with a mix of emotions.  I’m so proud of myself yet I’m also a little exhausted just thinking about it.  Breastfeeding and practicing attachment parenting while running a company and maintaining an active social life is HARD WORK!

Over the past 17 months, I’ve nursed my child to sleep every single time (except for a handful of times when I was away from her), I’ve nursed her every single time she hurt herself, I’ve nursed her when she was sick, I’ve nursed her when she needed a little cuddle and I’ve nursed her when she first signed “more” and later asked for mama.

I’ve nursed her on a plane numerous times, in doctor’s offices, in parks, in a movie theatre, in the front and back seat of my car, in Wal-Mart, in a mall, while sitting at my desk working, in restaurants and anywhere else the need to feed my child arose.

I have slathered my nipples in Jack Newman’s breastfeeding ointment more times than I can count, I’ve suffered through “rusty pipe syndrome”, worried about foremilk/hindmilk imbalances, spent hours trying to wake my sleepy newborn to eat, dealt with growth spurts/cluster feeding, navigated through proper latches and different feeding positions, wore nipple shields, pumped for hours and dealt with opinions from strangers on the way I am feeding my child (mostly good, some not so good).

But now, at 17 months, I wonder if we’ve reached our end.

Willow, for the past week or so, has started biting me nearly every feeding.  She seems way less interested in nursing and will only nurse for a few minutes before getting bored and moving on.  The only nursing sessions that she actually does well with are those right before bed.  Otherwise, she’s turned into an “angry nurser” and it’s killing both my spirits and my nipples.

I’ve done all kinds of things to get the biting to stop: I’ve tried removing her before she gets to the “done eating, play now” phase, I’ve unlatched her and told her no while setting her down, I’ve tried pushing her face (gently) into my breast when she bites so that she experiences something unpleasant after she bites but I’m seriously at a loss here.

It used to be that she’d nurse while we co-slept and those sessions were peaceful and always amongst my favourite. Now those sessions are horrendous for my nipples as she pulls back (with my nipple still in her mouth), bites and creates a super lazy latch, which causes problems for me.

So I’m not really sure what to do.  Is it time to wean her?  Is this her way of saying that she’s no longer interested in nursing?  Or, is this just a passing phase?  My goal was to nurse her until she was 2 years old but at this point, I don’t even want to nurse her one more time.  I think I might be reaching my breaking point too (and I know this to be true because writing that phrase six months ago would have induced tears for me… now it almost induces relief).

The only thing I’m worried about is that if I do wean her, how the heck do I get her to sleep?  We’ve only ever nursed her to sleep so I have no idea what I would do there.

Leave some advice, if you have any, in the comments!  I really need to know if this is normal behavior, how to get through it or if you think that she might be ready to just wean from nursing.  Thanks in advance!

  • http://twitter.com/Cubits Laura @Cubits

    Lots of toddlers and Mama’s find relief in only keeping that one nice nursing session in the day.  We have only been nursing at night now for months. Like you, I found it hard to put up with some of the uncomfortable nursing and decided just to do what was working for us, which happened to be that last sleepy session of the day.

    I do think it is normal and I also don’t think you need to make any firm decisions (ie, wean, only once a day, keep going).  Breastfeeding is a two way relationship so you can nurse when you want to and distract when you don’t.  

    Congrats of 17 months of breastfeeding!

    • http://www.bsetc.com Erin Blaskie

      Laura, that is great advice!  I think we may need to start the transition to just nursing when she really needs/wants it versus whenever.  It is during those “whenever” feeds that she’s getting a bit lazier and a bit more rough with me.  Thank you as well for your congratulations – it really is an amazing milestone to reach!

      • Kalani_mpa

         As Laura says “feed her when she really needs”, my daughter was getting a bit too rough with every single feeding session at 12 months (now 15) and I cut down on “whenever” feeds and only fed her at night  since she wanted it as a soother. So far it works great (so far no biting-just sore nipples), we still co sleep and nurse her a couple of times if she needs it and I think its best to give it some time and eventually she will stop the night feeds too. I really think that the bond between you and  baby stays stronger when you continue to breastfeed, even at 17 months!! Good luck Erin!

  • Alison Kramer

    I don’t think there are very many things that babies or toddlers do that can’t be called “normal” behaviour.  I think children can go through biting phases and then stop.  One of mine did.  Extended nursing is normal, and so is weaning at 17 months, or earlier – the important thing is doing what is best for you and little one.  
    I weaned my children at 3, 4 and 3.  I initiated the end of the nursing relationship with all three of them, because i just didn’t want to do it any more.  I never felt badly about the decision after, or guilty, or even missed breastfeeding. We did it as long as it was right for us. Please don’t mistake the word “right” with “easy”  Breastfeeding was never easy.  There was a difference in feeling though, within me, between the frustrating feeling of trying to work through mastitis or something like that – and the feeling of being ready to wean. No one can really tell you what that feeling will be like for you.  But it will feel different than the struggles of getting latch right etc.  I hope that makes sense :)

    No matter your decision, you’re making it for the best possible reason, so you can’t make the wrong one.  You want to do the best thing for your relationship with your daughter. 

    xo A

    • http://www.bsetc.com Erin Blaskie

      Thanks Alison for commenting!  As I mentioned on Twitter, when I think about stopping our nursing relationship, I still have a part of me that doesn’t want to end that right now so it may just be a matter of figuring out the biting problem versus quitting altogether.  I’m going to let this all simmer and figure out what is going on deep within my heart.

  • http://www.themombehindthedesigns.com/ Lindsay

    With my son I only breastfed until 15 months, he started doing the same thing as Willow and I decided to not try to “force” it on him and he stopped. I was a little sad as I don’t think I was ready.

    With my daughter she was 23 months old and it also wasn’t fun. She was a lot rougher than her brother. At the end she was only nursing before bed. She had growth concerns so I didn’t want to stop nursing as she wouldn’t drink formula or milk. She too only fell asleep nursing, I knew after my son that it wasn’t the best way but it is what worked. She slept with me most nights and it was easy for us. So I agree with Laura that maybe try cutting out the other feedings and keep that one, see how it goes.

    Only you know what is best and who cares what others think!

  • Jill

    My son was 16 months when we weaned.  For me the co-sleeping nurses were also great until he was 16 months and he was nursing and turning with my nipple still with him and started to be frustrating for  me with the pain.  I decided to no longer nurse during the night and when he would try to nurse and couldn’t he would cry.  The first night I just held him tightly and walked with him talking or singing to him as we cuddled and walked for 3 hours before he finally went back to sleep.  It was the only night that he did that, the next night he just cuddled with me in bed and it was much easier and so sweet.  He also nursed to sleep at that point and it was the last nursing session that was cut out.  I started to wean him after the night time feedings were gone because everyone was pressuring me to saying that he was old enough…blah blah blah.  I don’t regret weaning off the co-sleep nursing, just regret weaning in general during the day.   Congrats on nursing her until 17 months…my advice is to cut out the night nurses if they are really painful, or maybe just limit them until she really needs to nurse.  I think part of my issue was that I was an open kitchen for the entire night and should have just nursed him once through the night, maybe twice.  Tough decision!  But have confidence that you will make the right decision for all of you because you have made great ones so far.

  • http://twitter.com/_Mama2K_ Amy Neary

    I’m also wondering when it comes time for us (we’re 13 months today and he doesn’t seem anywhere close to weaning) what my son will do to fall asleep since he always nurses to sleep.  Thanks for sharing your journery with us, i’m looking forward to see how it works out in hope that you experiences will be able to help me along the way too!  Thanks Erin!

  • Mynah_bird

    Hi Erin, i will tell you straight up that I have never had a child so I have not nursed but I have been a maternity nurse for quite awhile and worked with many moms so maybe i can offer you a few words.  If Willow is being “rough” with her nursings, then I tend to think she is not really wanting the breast the way she did when she was a bit younger.  if she will take milk from a sippy cup, then I would suggest to give your nipples a break right now and only offer her the breast at night to go to sleep and only then if she really wants it.  Most children decide on their own when they are done with breastfeeding and maybe Willow is heading that way.  Even so, take care of yourself too and have heart, you have done a wonderful job for so many months and your little girl is moving on and up!

  • http://ifoundmyfeet.blogspot.com/ Alicia Fagan

    Erin, what about transitioning to only before bed and nap time nursing sessions? That way maybe she’ll be more interested at those times and you won’t have these issues? Best of both worlds? I weaned my son at 16 months after going back to work at 12 months and keeping only the morning and night time feeds for those 4 months. As 16 months came he became less interested in the morning and I ended up weaning him from the night time because my supply was so low that is was becoming uncomfortable.  It was a very gradual weaning process and I found it tougher than him. I’m glad we took it slow. It was much easier to cope with :)   That was my experience, but everyone is different and only you can decide the best…and whatever you do decide will be the best. Good luck :)

  • RQsuperglue

    When
    kids are teething, the best comfort for them isn’t a toy or cold fruit….it’s
    mama. I truly believe that nursing until the age of two will benefit both of
    you. I can definitely empathize with you, as I too when through phases when I
    felt like just giving up, sometimes because I was too damn sore. But I have a
    wonderful supportive husband who would remind me of what I tell women…”It’s
    for the baby, first and foremost”

    It’s
    essential that women don’t hold back these feelings, and do exactly what you
    are doing….Putting up the white flag and asking for that support.

     

    My
    advice for the biting is as follows:

    1.    
    When she bites, pull her off immediately  and tell her “No, we don’t bite
    mommy” (in a very stern angry voice), then put her down.

    2.    
    She will be upset, and a bit startled. Then look her in
    eye, and sternly say ” we don’t bite mommy, ok”.

    3.    
    Pick her back up, and try to nurse again. Do this again
    if she bites.

    4.    
    the 3rd time, put her down and walk away (if in a
    setting that you can do that). otherwise completely end the nursing session.
    and explain why.

    5.    
    If she doesn’t bite after the “NO” method, then
    while finishing your nursing session, talk to her nicely about why we don’t
    bite mommy and then tell her you love her.

    It
    shouldn’t take more than a couple days after that.

     

     

    I
    am currently in the weaning process with my 21 month old. my situation is
    different than you because my mom babysits her. My daughter has never liked
    drinking mommy milk unless it is straight from the tap.

    So
    my mom had to rock her to sleep, then she began just lying next to her, and now
    she just tells her to go lay down and gives her a sippy cup of some applejuice.
    But with me….oooohhh no, she needed to comfort nurse to sleep.

     

    So
    here is where my actual advice comes in.

    You
    need to have someone other than yourself put her to sleep during the day naps.
    This is essential. no matter how long she cries for you (you know someone is
    with her and holding her…FYI I am not a fan of the cry-it-out method). Have
    your husband, nanny, mother, anyone but you, put her to sleep. You need to work
    on this for 2 weeks, because you can’t expect an overnight change with most kids.

     

    Then
    you need to stop nursing during the day at all. Only bedtime and throughout the
    night. You must be stubborn, and the people around you need to support what you
    are doing, because it is hard on both sides. It’s all both of you have ever
    known to do since she entered this world. Allow yourself to feel sad, but
    remind yourself that she has had a good run too.

     

    There
    are days where I have tried everything but she still won’t settle down, and I
    just give up trying to put her to sleep, and let her tire herself out (put on a
    movie, go for a walk…etc.). Do NOT give in. It is also very important to talk
    to her and explain that you love her, but you only have >>insert what you
    call nursing<< at bedtime after bathtime, or after we put on our pjs, or
    when the sun disappears… I go with, when it is dark outside and we are in our
    pjs.

     

    Once
    she stops asking about nursing during the day, it's time to cut out her 'during
    the night' feedings. The last nursing session to remove is the night-time one,
    as it provide her the most comfort.

     

    Sorry
    this was long, but I wanted to be thorough. Good luck!!

    • RQsuperglue

      don’t know why that posted like that. sorry lol

  • http://www.facebook.com/wendymaynard Wendy Maynard

    Kids are smart. She’s biting because it’s interesting. My son tried this a few times and I told him in no uncertain terms: “You bite, no nursing.” And I put him down and walked away. He got the message fast and stopped biting, That said, I quit at 22 months but it was a slow process that went in phases. Night nursing went first and comfort nursing last. Do it however makes sense to you and Willow – she will be fine either way.

  • kamerine gardam

    Oh the biting.  My 14 month old bit me every feed for almost 6 months.  I tried everything but nothing worked.  I was so close to stopping so many times.  I cut out nursing her other than right before nap, right before bed and during the night.  That helped but didn’t stop it.  About a month ago, she just stopped biting me.  I didn’t do anything differently.  And now, about a week ago, she started biting me again, not every time, but harder, so that I was bleeding.  I did what some people have suggested and had my husband rock her to sleep at night and drove her around in the car for naps.  We’re back to no biting now.

    I’m with you too on how to get her to sleep without nursing.  I don’t have answers but I’m interested to see what else your followers have to say. 

    Good luck!  You’re doing a great job!

  • rebeccadiamond

    Molars. Have you tried giving Hyland’s Teething Tablets? (Or even Motrin, if you’re not opposed to that.) Once I started treating the teething pain, my son stopped biting – it was the magic cure! (We nursed until he self-weaned at just shy of three. I thought we were doomed to quit at the 17-18 month mark, though!)